A LETTER TO MY FOUR YOUNG DAUGHTERS: YOU ARE CAPABLE OF ANYTHING

Francine Nabintu, an activist from the DRC, is a McCain Institute/ Next Generation Leadership fellow who just completed her one-year assignment at FUTURES.

After reading about the American gymnast Simone Biles’ achievement in Rio during the Olympic Games, and her passion that started from an early age, I couldn’t help but question my daughters’ visions.  When their cousin asked them what they would like to become when they grow up, one of my four daughters said that she would like to run a restaurant. I kept quiet for a while, wondering who might have inspired her, thinking about all the big restaurants she had been to. I was about to ask the reason why she made that choice, when suddenly another voice added, “Who would like to become an engineer?” My girls looked at their brother and responded in a joint statement, “That’s a boys field.” I then understood that the choice of running a restaurant had nothing to do with passion, but simply a narrow vision perceived through a gendered lens.

To My Girls:

I know that you are excited about this once in a lifetime opportunity that arose for me. When I was a young girl, I never knew what going to an office in the USA would mean. The only thing I had heard about it was from a Congolese woman whose organization headquartered in D.C. She said  ”Americans don’t talk in the office. You have to email a person sitting in front of you because you are not supposed to disturb others.” Upon my arrival in the USA, I not only noticed that the conception was wrong, but I also learned to say “no thanks.” Honesty is a part of the American culture.

Remember the first day I went to the office? I brought you with me. We were all amazed by the beauty and size of the office, the fresh air in the Presidio of San Francisco, and the Golden Gate Bridge view. But, our surprise was even bigger later in the day as we started meeting Futures’ staff. “Only one man!”,  whispered your brother. Yes, this should be strange visiting such a huge office where women held key positions.  I never told you that women could not run offices, but what you saw around you spoke louder than words. The game, songs, exercises, reprimand or mockery that you see, hear, and endure on daily basis send you a message about what you are supposed to be as a man or a woman.

That experience you had that day was enough to start questioning society’s expectations for men and women.

I have met so many people in the USA who didn’t know about the Democratic Republic of Congo that I decided not to mention the DRC in my introduction anymore, but simply say “I am from Africa.” However, I met incredible people who care about the Congolese-specifically, the women and girls in the DRC. I was touched by one woman advocate who made a donation to survivors of Eastern DRC; she gave all of her tax return and what she had saved for her annual vacation, even though she has never been to Congo. I was so impressed by the hard work of the people I have been lucky to work with. Even when things seem to be all right or perfect from my point of view, my coworkers were not satisfied with a little injustice or violence.

Even in the USA with its strong institutions, equal opportunities are something people are still fighting for. This means that it is our responsibility to work harder to make the DRC a better place to be a woman. We must at least change the narrative that it is “the worst place to be a woman in the world.”

Dream bigger, don’t let any poor perceptions limit your visions.

Pursue your dreams, even when nobody believes in you due to your gender, race, or background.

Slowly, but surely, things are moving. I am persuaded that you will have greater opportunities and a brighter future than my generation.

-Francine