Parents are stressed, and know what they need

Almost half of all parents say most days they are completely overwhelmed by stress. Even more – two out of three – say they are lonely and isolated from a community of friends and family that could offer social support.

These and other alarming facts are being lifted up in a new U.S. Surgeon General advisory about the crisis of parental stress.

If you’re a parent like me, it all rings true: parenthood is full of joy and worry, all at once. And as the head of the Children and Youth program at Futures Without Violence, I know the worries and stress can affect parents disproportionately – especially given their financial circumstances, violence and trauma they’ve experienced in their own lives, and whether they’ve been swept up into the child welfare or judicial systems. And of course their race and gender.

The Surgeon General’s report highlights all the reasons parents feel stressed, and is chock-full of good advice. At FUTURES, we support the many policy recommendations, especially the call for financial support for programs like Head Start and mental health responses, as well as investments in paid and safe leave, and the universally desired but perpetually underfunded area of childcare.

Disproportionate Impacts

There are four areas within the report, some only briefly touched upon, I would particularly lift up as needing a braided focus based on my work with parents:

• Economic stress – Economic stress is made worse when you are a single mom working multiple jobs or have no job at all and can barely get by. Everyone needs safe and stable conditions to raise a family which at its essence is housing, money, childcare, and safe and paid leave so you don’t have to choose between a paycheck or taking care of a loved one. And all hands raised for affordable child care but it also needs to be accessible in the community and in the home – those working outside of 9 to 5 need childcare, too.

• Violence – Caregivers who are impacted by domestic violence and community violence are VERY worried about their children’s lives. From fear that kids going to school or playing in their neighborhood will get shot, to fear of an abuser hurting them, to worries about having children taken away due to domestic violence in the home if they seek help. I speak to survivors all the time who are terrified that a Family Court will make a decision that will perpetuate abuse instead of stopping it. The judges I know worry about that too. FUTURES works with many judges who are working to improve family outcomes through National Judicial Institute on Domestic Violence. We have to invest more in prevention of violence and multi-generational healing.

• Mental health – More quality mental health services accessible (and affordable) for all, is a no brainer. And clinical services are not the only remedy to improve mental health. FUTURES has been working to expand the ability of trusted adults to identify and support young people’s mental wellbeing. We also need more attention to additional pathways for healing and mental health, including expanding our ideas of what evidence-informed healing looks like and how to pay for it. The arts, cultural practices, spirituality, sports – how often have you heard people say, If I didn’t have my music (or fill in the blank) I wouldn’t have made it.

• Child welfare – The Surgeon General mentions acute disruptions that exacerbate parental stress and gives child welfare and the criminal legal system a nod. Let’s be clear: government systems that are designed to intervene when things go wrong are far from perfect. And they have disproportionally disrupted generations of families of color, including Native American, Black and Latino families, and low-income people. The vast majority of children involved in the child welfare system are due to “neglect” not physical abuse, often related to poverty or being a victim of domestic violence. We need to find ways to shrink the front door of the child protection system for those who really need it and invest in community supports to help parents with basic needs and resources that support their health and safety.  Community health workers, Promotoras, culturally specific organizations coupled with housing, child care and money is a good start.

Let Parents Lead

Importantly for all of us who are working to support parents, including our federal partners, I want to emphasize: parents know what they need. We need to listen to them. Too often, initiatives get input from parents, but for a variety of reasons may not implement what parents want and need.

At FUTURES, we aim for true parental partnership, with parents leading and co-designing solutions that work for them. For example:

• Accountability Dialogues – The Accountability Dialogues was an attempt after 25 years of child welfare reform efforts to change the way parents who were also survivors of domestic violence were treated by the child welfare system. Too often parents were blamed for the violence done to them and consequently, their children removed from their care. Futures without Violence and our partners Ujima, Inc., Women Transforming Families, a project of Ujima, Inc, and Latinos United for Peace and Equity, worked in lock step with survivors to engage policymakers and co-design solutions to the problems at hand, resulting in concrete recommendations for the Child Welfare Agencies, Congress, the Judiciary and Family Courts, and others.

• All in for Kids – All in for Kids is an innovation hub centered on community and parent-led priorities to transform early childhood and family well-being. Our eight grantee partners in the Bay Area address different family needs but share a focus on meaningful opportunities for parents to shape their priorities to foster holistic well-being across generations. And through parent-led advocacy, the network has strengthened the California budget to support parents and families, including investments to address the childcare provider wage crisis, children’s mental health services, income supports, and family resource centers.

In addition to designing solutions that actually work, having parents come together for meaningful engagement creates an additional opportunity for them to create connections, support one another and find their voice and strengths.

Thank you to the Surgeon General for this call to action. If you haven’t read his recommendations, you should. Families need our full attention and a bold and courageous response. At Futures Without Violence, our vision is clear, our hands are ready and our hearts are all in.