What You Need to Know About Teen Dating Violence
By Moira McLaughlin
July 22, 2025
Any parent has probably heard the saying “Little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems.” But it’s not until your kids reach the teen years that those words really start to ring true.
A teen’s prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for making good decisions, is not fully developed, yet in the teen years our kids are clamoring for more freedom. That includes their freedom to choose their friends, how they spend their free time, and who they want to date.
But what if you suspect your teen’s relationship is harmful? Here’s what you need to know about dating violence.
What Is Teen Dating Violence?
Dating violence, like domestic violence, is about power and control, and there are many ways that a partner could assert that control: through physical, psychological, economic or sexual abuse, harassment, or stalking.
Some forms of dating violence are obvious, like physical. Others might be new to you, like love bombing, which is when romance becomes manipulation, or gaslighting, which is emotional abuse that causes someone to question their thoughts or feelings. Economic abuse is another form of dating violence that involves the use of financial control to create dependency and block pathways to safety and overall well-being.
How Common Is Teen Dating Violence and What Are the Signs?
About 1 in 12 teens experience physical violence in their romantic relationship, and 1 in 10 experience sexual violence. That means it’s likely that 42 teens in your kid’s average-sized public high school of 500 students are experiencing physical dating violence, and 50 are experiencing sexual dating violence.
Those numbers are even higher when emotional, verbal, and economic abuse from a teen’s romantic partner is considered.
Lonna Davis, Vice President of Children & Youth at FUTURES, says parents and caregivers need to know the signs of teen dating violence. “If your child starts acting differently, on their phone more than usual, eating less, changing the way they dress, or feeling depressed, those can be signals that something’s wrong.”
Teens in unhealthy relationships are also more likely to engage in risky behavior like using drugs and alcohol, and face a higher risk of depression, anxiety, and suicide.
Davis also says to remember that many abusive partners may hide their abuse from adults. “An abusive partner is not going to come by the house, swearing at your kid. They might be lovely, polite, and charming.”
What Can You Do?
Davis has seen parents make rash decisions when they realize their teen is in an abusive relationship, like grounding their teen or even moving across the country. But Davis says, “Try not to panic. Rather, try to communicate with your teen.”
It’s not always easy to have conversations with your teen, especially around challenging topics like dating violence, but communication is key.
“Adults who care about young people may think about teen dating as something that is shrouded in secrecy. But often, what young people need most is openness and non-judgment, especially when it comes to experiencing violence and abuse,” says DJ Peay who works with FUTURES Children & Youth team.
“That can look like a variety of things: checking in, offering self-care strategies or resources, and asking open, non-pressuring questions that let a young person know they are cared for, and that help is available.”
In addition, Peay shares these 10 tips for parents who think their teen is experiencing dating violence.
- Don’t panic
- Enlist an advocate or professional to help
- Help your teen connect with friends that make them feel welcome and accepted
- Ask you teen what worries them the most
- Remind them of ways they can reach you when you’re not together, no questions asked
- Help them practice setting boundaries that might be helpful for them at and away from home
- Help them balance time spent with family, friends, people they date and others
- Ask them what helps them feel loved and what doesn’t
- Remind them of times you have witnessed their joy around others
- Brainstorm solutions and encourage thoughtful decisions
“I hope these tips will help adults who care about young people broaden their understanding of what addressing violence can look like, and try out new strategies for supporting them,” says Peay.
If you are concerned your teen is experiencing dating violence, contact the Love is Respect hotline at 1-866-331-9474 or text “LOVEIS” to 22522 for support.
