We’re living through a profound shift in how young men experience connection
By Brian O’Connor
March 25, 2026
Recently, a troubling study reported that researchers posing as 13-year-old boys were able to use AI chatbots to help plan violent attacks.
It’s a headline that should stop us all in our tracks.
The question it poses isn’t just: What are these AI tools capable of? It’s: Why are young men turning to them in the first place?
When a young man is struggling—feeling isolated, angry, lost—there are few places for them to go. And typically today, those places are online—often anonymous, unregulated, and unequipped to help.
A Generation Looking for Somewhere to Go
We are living through a profound shift in how young men experience connection.
Compared to a generation ago, they have fewer close friendships, weaker social ties, and are less likely to seek help when they’re struggling.
And if they do reach out, they rarely start with therapists or formal systems. They go where they feel most comfortable: like in an online game or group chat where a behind-the-scenes algorithm serves up the very information that feeds the feelings of inadequacy, disconnection, and despair that led to the outreach in the first place.
That’s not because young men prefer machines over people. It’s because too often, the people and spaces around them haven’t been equipped to recognize they’re in distress or know how to respond.
Meeting Boys & Young Men Where They Are
I co-founded Team: Changing Minds, a national network of mental health responders, around a simple idea:
If we want to reach young men earlier, we have to meet them where they already are—and equip the networks they already trust.
97% of young men play video games, and a majority play sports, so we’re growing a nationwide mental health early response system embedded in the gaming networks they love—video games and sports.
Through an evidence-based model, we train what we call “Everyday Responders”—the people young men already trust: coaches, mentors, teammates and moderators in online communities.
They learn how to recognize early signs of distress, start a conversation, and respond by connecting a young person to support.
They don’t replace mental health clinicians. They build a bridge to support—starting on the field, in a locker room, or in a Discord server.
Why It Matters
This type of help is particularly crucial for young men.
Men and boys are the least likely to seek clinical support. Nearly 80% of deaths from suicide in the U.S. are men, and while most mental health challenges first appear during adolescence, it takes most people more than 10 years on average to connect to help.
For boys, often longer, if at all.
A New Model: Bringing Support to Them
Our model was inspired by an unexpected place: a men’s razor company who was our very first investor—Harry’s.
They disrupted their industry. Instead of asking men to go to the store and buy their razors from behind locked cabinets, they met men where they were—online—and delivered what they needed in a way that felt simple and accessible. A direct-to-consumer model.
We asked: why can’t mental health support work the same way for young men?
What if, instead of waiting for boys to come to clinics or raise their hand in a classroom, we brought support directly to them—in the places they already are, through the people they already trust, in moments that already exist in their lives?
Because the truth is: young men aren’t hard to reach.
We’ve just been expecting them to come to us.
What We Can Do—Right Now
There are simple, powerful ways we can all begin to help, and Team: Changing Minds’ Take 10 training is designed to prepare you:
- If you’re a coach:
There are many moments you already have to connect like at practice, on the sidelines, and on the ride home. These are times to check in and positively model how to address stress, frustration, or pressure out loud. - If you’re a mentor or someone who games with young people:
Show genuine interest in what they’re doing/playing. Notice the quiet moments, too – don’t rush past them. When they log off, that’s also just a good time to check in overall. - If you’re a moderator or part of an online gaming community:
You help shape the tone of that space. Small signals—acknowledging someone, encouraging respect, pointing to support—can change how safe it feels to speak up. - If you’re a parent or caregiver:
Be present and intentional about playing video games with your child – or watching with care and nonjudgment. Your responsibility to monitor for safety must be met with curiosity and care in wanting to understand their world.
We don’t need to ask young men to go somewhere new to find support. We know where they are—we just need to show up ready.
When we get that right, the next time a young man reaches out, he won’t be met by an algorithm. He’ll be met by someone who knows how to respond.
When support is embedded in the fabric of their everyday lives, we don’t just respond to crisis—we connect with them before it begins.
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Team: Changing Minds is an initiative of Futures Without Violence, Big Brothers Big Sisters of America, National Council for Mental Wellbeing and Founding Investor Harrys/Mammoth Brands.
